Today if was brought to my attention that I was coming across publicly criticising one of the people I actually hold a great deal of respect for in my occupation. Now I feel disappointed in myself and didn't realize how often I made "joking" comments. Like they say, every joke has a root of being truth and this one did. I feel absolutely silly now and will from this day forth try to be more of a positive influence with my team and save the negativity for the door step!!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
The life of a Mets Girl
Last night for whatever reason I was seriously sick...I think I ended up in the bathroom like 15 times. Since you all know that I don't move exactly quickly these days with my left hip being all necrotic, I fortunately brought a big bowl to bed with me.
The good news, i had a treatment scheduled for today and told the doc my predicament of the nights activities and asked for some extra liquids and he obliged.
Next week is an echocardiogram to make sure herceptin isn't damaging the good ole ticker (heart)
Two weeks is Faslodex and Xgeva- OUCH to all three shots.
I still have my cough and my hip is not any better. I'm just falling apart but maintaining my smile, of course.
My next scan will be in September...
The good news, i had a treatment scheduled for today and told the doc my predicament of the nights activities and asked for some extra liquids and he obliged.
Next week is an echocardiogram to make sure herceptin isn't damaging the good ole ticker (heart)
Two weeks is Faslodex and Xgeva- OUCH to all three shots.
I still have my cough and my hip is not any better. I'm just falling apart but maintaining my smile, of course.
My next scan will be in September...
Monday, August 1, 2011
Those that know me, know that I'm not really one to complain especially about myself. I feel myself pulling away from people, I'm afraid to make plans (for fear of cancelling them) or worse yet...keeping them and being miserable the entire time because I'm so tired, nauseous, or in pain. I hate cancelling plans especially last minute and anyone that knows me...KNOWS that I just love being social and seeing my friends. This has really made my heart heavy...I feel like such a waste. I thought I was destined for great things and now I just feel stuck struggling to stay afloat.
I love how I go to the doctor every week lately and he asks me what medications I'm on...which consist of Codiene cough syrup, marinol, lexapro, Ibu, albuterol inhaler...all as needed. My Dad is worried about me...worried about all the medications, but it's so hard. I just want to be normal so badly...I want to go about life like normal. I hate being "sick" I medicate myself to try to get through each day and live a normal life. Without work of some sort...that's it for me...I'll be giving up, be done fighting.
Then they tell me that guys are scared of the cancer...that 99.9% of guys will not stay around during it. I guess I understand...it's scary, but then again...I could be hit by a bus tommorrow on the street. Know one knows. My friends and family want me to lie to men (or just not tell them) which is the same as lying to me...omitting the truth. I hate it...it wears on my heart, but it is nice to have someone pursue you and want to be around you before they are scared of you.
My nausea really bothers me lately...all the time. My back pain on the left hand side is getting pretty bad. I thought it was from coughing, but I'm not so sure anymore. I even wake up in the middle of the night to move to my other side because of the pain...I have to consciously think to move so it hurts less....and my hip...it's still the same. Not any better....
Jenny Grimes is a fellow survivor. She had some great ideas that i'm trying out myself. That whenever she feels down about herself or her disease...she does something for someone else! What a great idea. It sure makes you feel better. I'm all about that! Friends of mine like Delores Krick...already do such things....what an angel.
until next time!
Jen
I love how I go to the doctor every week lately and he asks me what medications I'm on...which consist of Codiene cough syrup, marinol, lexapro, Ibu, albuterol inhaler...all as needed. My Dad is worried about me...worried about all the medications, but it's so hard. I just want to be normal so badly...I want to go about life like normal. I hate being "sick" I medicate myself to try to get through each day and live a normal life. Without work of some sort...that's it for me...I'll be giving up, be done fighting.
Then they tell me that guys are scared of the cancer...that 99.9% of guys will not stay around during it. I guess I understand...it's scary, but then again...I could be hit by a bus tommorrow on the street. Know one knows. My friends and family want me to lie to men (or just not tell them) which is the same as lying to me...omitting the truth. I hate it...it wears on my heart, but it is nice to have someone pursue you and want to be around you before they are scared of you.
My nausea really bothers me lately...all the time. My back pain on the left hand side is getting pretty bad. I thought it was from coughing, but I'm not so sure anymore. I even wake up in the middle of the night to move to my other side because of the pain...I have to consciously think to move so it hurts less....and my hip...it's still the same. Not any better....
Jenny Grimes is a fellow survivor. She had some great ideas that i'm trying out myself. That whenever she feels down about herself or her disease...she does something for someone else! What a great idea. It sure makes you feel better. I'm all about that! Friends of mine like Delores Krick...already do such things....what an angel.
until next time!
Jen
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