Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It's BAAAACK
I have a chest CT scan tuesday which showed a new lesion on my Liver and progression of the nodules in my lungs. Of course, my blood didn't show anything...good thing I wanted a scan for peace of mind...otherwise It'd be much more progressed....change of hormone treatment...no chemo right now....until next week...bone scan.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I can only imagine
We have a graduation ceremony every 3 months at the college I teach at. It's incredibly heart warming watching those that have worked so hard are finally successful. I haven't even had a graduating class yet of my own. I can only imagine when I do...I'll be a mess. I feel like I'm responsible in some way for their success. They come to me needing a second chance at life, comraderie, advice, support, encouragement, etc. I'm not always perfect (they will be the first ones to tell you that) but I definitly care and do want them to be successful! First graduating class is May of 2011...I can hardly wait!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Don't count on me to call 911.
Tag! You're It!
So when I was a kid we played your typical childhood games especially outside in decent weather. I am reminded of this one time my brother, Jason, and cousin, Kristy, were all playing outside hide-n-go seek/tag.
The person hunting would count, the other two hide, then the hiders had to make it back to a previously established SAFE place before being tagged.
The garage doors were safe during this game. This would not have been a problem with the exception that the garage doors had windows. As my brother ran to be safe as I'm pursuing him to tag him, you guessed it...he put his arm straight through the window.
Hmm, I do believe I'll save you the gory details (unless you want them), but he had quite the gash in his arm. We went in the house and while my step-father was getting a towel to wrap my brother's arm, I was supposed to call 911. I picked up the phone, then fainted.
I know a lot of good I was!
I came to shortly after because I was awake before the ambulance got there. My brother ended up with 104 stitches up and down his arm. It took a long time to heal, but in the end, nothing permanently debilitating.
So when I was a kid we played your typical childhood games especially outside in decent weather. I am reminded of this one time my brother, Jason, and cousin, Kristy, were all playing outside hide-n-go seek/tag.
The person hunting would count, the other two hide, then the hiders had to make it back to a previously established SAFE place before being tagged.
The garage doors were safe during this game. This would not have been a problem with the exception that the garage doors had windows. As my brother ran to be safe as I'm pursuing him to tag him, you guessed it...he put his arm straight through the window.
Hmm, I do believe I'll save you the gory details (unless you want them), but he had quite the gash in his arm. We went in the house and while my step-father was getting a towel to wrap my brother's arm, I was supposed to call 911. I picked up the phone, then fainted.
I know a lot of good I was!
I came to shortly after because I was awake before the ambulance got there. My brother ended up with 104 stitches up and down his arm. It took a long time to heal, but in the end, nothing permanently debilitating.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Puffs Plus with lotion...
I'm a simple girl with simple tastes. I like the ins and outs of ordinary things.
So here it is, my favorite tissue for many years standing now.
why you ask? I'll tell you why. Every time one of these tissues inevitably ends up in my laundry, it comes out in 2 pieces because it's 2 ply and that's it. The others end up in 15 billion pieces.
I swear I check all my pockets before laundry...I have no idea where the tissues hide, but boy do they hide in the midst of illness!
Thank goodness I was at target the other day when I didn't have any tissues on my person, I picked some up, but at that time I wondered if there is proper ettiquette when you NEED a tissue and there is not one available. There was NO STOPPING this waterworks and no tissues or napkins on me of any kind! Sleeve? the inside of the top of the shirt. I know I have used both at one point or another. Or a glove when outside in the cold...I hate that though, hurts your nose!
cheers!
So here it is, my favorite tissue for many years standing now.
why you ask? I'll tell you why. Every time one of these tissues inevitably ends up in my laundry, it comes out in 2 pieces because it's 2 ply and that's it. The others end up in 15 billion pieces.
I swear I check all my pockets before laundry...I have no idea where the tissues hide, but boy do they hide in the midst of illness!
Thank goodness I was at target the other day when I didn't have any tissues on my person, I picked some up, but at that time I wondered if there is proper ettiquette when you NEED a tissue and there is not one available. There was NO STOPPING this waterworks and no tissues or napkins on me of any kind! Sleeve? the inside of the top of the shirt. I know I have used both at one point or another. Or a glove when outside in the cold...I hate that though, hurts your nose!
cheers!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Anxiety is setting in....
For the move... I'm absolutely unprepared. Thank goodness I'm moving in with my dad to start off, but I'm even nervous about that. I think it'll be good though...it'll be nice to not have so much time alone to let my thoughts get the best of me hopefully.
I'm worried about not having a job lined up, but then also worried that if I DO have a job lined up I won't have enough time to get things all together down here in maryland. I know I don't have to worry because I called the local temp agency and they have openings, so I can always fall back on temping, but I'm still worried. I'm a worrier, what can I say.
They allow smoking in Pa bars, it sucks. I forgot how much i hated that! I don't plan on becoming a regular at the bars though, so it's all good.
I hope I'm making the right decision by moving back. I'm pretty sure I am and I'll be able to have the house I've always wanted....eventually. housing is another thing I have to figure out! LOL.
I'm worried about not having a job lined up, but then also worried that if I DO have a job lined up I won't have enough time to get things all together down here in maryland. I know I don't have to worry because I called the local temp agency and they have openings, so I can always fall back on temping, but I'm still worried. I'm a worrier, what can I say.
They allow smoking in Pa bars, it sucks. I forgot how much i hated that! I don't plan on becoming a regular at the bars though, so it's all good.
I hope I'm making the right decision by moving back. I'm pretty sure I am and I'll be able to have the house I've always wanted....eventually. housing is another thing I have to figure out! LOL.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Golden Girls
I felt I needed to follow that one up with a happier note!
So my mom and dad were divorced since I was 1. I only remember them being divorced.
Well, my dad had me minimally every other weekend growing up and we were like clockwork on friday nights after he picked me up. We would sit on his brown leather recliner and watch the friday night sitcom line up! He would sit in the seat and I was probably like 8, so I'd sit on the arm to the right of him and prop my feet on the foot thingy too. We would eat popcorn with LOTS of butter or ritz crackers with cheese. If it was cream cheese, a lot of the time I would eat the cheese off the cracker and hand back the cracker asking for "more please" Otherwise he bought one of those large blocks of cheddar cheese and cut off pieces with pressing the butter knife into the block towards his thumb.
We watched The Golden Girls, Empty Nest, and Threes Company. I loved it! I think that's kind of funny since I was only like 8ish. I miss it......
So my mom and dad were divorced since I was 1. I only remember them being divorced.
Well, my dad had me minimally every other weekend growing up and we were like clockwork on friday nights after he picked me up. We would sit on his brown leather recliner and watch the friday night sitcom line up! He would sit in the seat and I was probably like 8, so I'd sit on the arm to the right of him and prop my feet on the foot thingy too. We would eat popcorn with LOTS of butter or ritz crackers with cheese. If it was cream cheese, a lot of the time I would eat the cheese off the cracker and hand back the cracker asking for "more please" Otherwise he bought one of those large blocks of cheddar cheese and cut off pieces with pressing the butter knife into the block towards his thumb.
We watched The Golden Girls, Empty Nest, and Threes Company. I loved it! I think that's kind of funny since I was only like 8ish. I miss it......
I'll bite your armpit
As I was driving back to Maryland from my weekend in Pennsylvania today, I was of course reflecting upon life. Just be warned this reflection is not one of my more happier ones and while I don't dwell on it and don't think of it often, I did today so I thought I'd write about it.
I grew up in a blended family. I have 2 older step brothers, 1 older half brother (same mother), and 2 younger half brothers (same mother). My older half brother was abusive. He's 4 years older than myself and really would beat me up.
What I remembered today was this specific event in particular:
My mom was always good at helping me study, so we were sitting at the kitchen table and she was quizzing me on my school knowledge for an upcoming exam. A study technique that worked well for me all throughout my school days. I was about 11 or 12 at this time.
My brother was being punished for something at the time, it was always something...it made no sense to me why he was always getting into trouble. It was like he was looking for it half the time. Well, my mother was making him do his own laundry as part of his punishment. So, my mother's back is to him and I'm facing him when he comes out and declares all his whites are now pink while holding up one of his t-shirts that is indeed a very nice shade of light pink. I giggle because I think it's funny that he made that classic mistake. He FLYS across the kitchen, wraps his arm around me and puts me in what is called "choke hold" in wrestling. Everyone has at one time or another choked on something and felt that panic of not being able to breathe. It's scary! My mother is sitting across from this, gets up and is trying to get him off of me and yelling at him to stop! He's about 15 or 16 nowadays, so he's too strong for either of us! I pass out from him choking and thankfully my step father was upstairs and runs down to the kitchen to see what all the commotion is about and pulls my brother off of me! I giggled at his damn t-shirt being pink.
It was shortly after this that he was permanently put into foster care because the medical professionals couldn't find any mental illness to treat when he'd be at the hospital, but mom was afraid he'd kill one of my younger brothers or me.
We had a lock on the outside of his bedroom door to lock him in there sometimes until my step father got home...a chain lock, not just a door lock. I remember times I was about to call 911 because he was trying to throw mom down the stairs.
I think I have a fear of being under water because mom recalls a story about my brother trying to drown me before in the pool we used to have at the old house, which had to be before I was 8. She came out and same thing...I was passed out from him holding me underwater. Who knows what I did to deserve that. It was a daily occurence to get hit, kicked, punched and you know as a child you don't understand. He'd convince me to not even tell mom because then he'd be grounded and I'd be bored with no one to play with. He'd also tell me how sorry he was he did it. I actually looked up to him.
One time he did something to me and he was holding my arms, so I used my teeth and I bite a HUGE chunk of his armpit out! Haha, that was awesome and thankfully I already had escaped his hand over my mouth and called for mom when I did that!!!
What really sucks, is you'd think that today he would have guilt for all the crap he put me through, but he claims he doesn't even remember. I'm not sure I believe him or not, it's possible, he's done a lot of drugs, but I just keep my distance either way.
I grew up in a blended family. I have 2 older step brothers, 1 older half brother (same mother), and 2 younger half brothers (same mother). My older half brother was abusive. He's 4 years older than myself and really would beat me up.
What I remembered today was this specific event in particular:
My mom was always good at helping me study, so we were sitting at the kitchen table and she was quizzing me on my school knowledge for an upcoming exam. A study technique that worked well for me all throughout my school days. I was about 11 or 12 at this time.
My brother was being punished for something at the time, it was always something...it made no sense to me why he was always getting into trouble. It was like he was looking for it half the time. Well, my mother was making him do his own laundry as part of his punishment. So, my mother's back is to him and I'm facing him when he comes out and declares all his whites are now pink while holding up one of his t-shirts that is indeed a very nice shade of light pink. I giggle because I think it's funny that he made that classic mistake. He FLYS across the kitchen, wraps his arm around me and puts me in what is called "choke hold" in wrestling. Everyone has at one time or another choked on something and felt that panic of not being able to breathe. It's scary! My mother is sitting across from this, gets up and is trying to get him off of me and yelling at him to stop! He's about 15 or 16 nowadays, so he's too strong for either of us! I pass out from him choking and thankfully my step father was upstairs and runs down to the kitchen to see what all the commotion is about and pulls my brother off of me! I giggled at his damn t-shirt being pink.
It was shortly after this that he was permanently put into foster care because the medical professionals couldn't find any mental illness to treat when he'd be at the hospital, but mom was afraid he'd kill one of my younger brothers or me.
We had a lock on the outside of his bedroom door to lock him in there sometimes until my step father got home...a chain lock, not just a door lock. I remember times I was about to call 911 because he was trying to throw mom down the stairs.
I think I have a fear of being under water because mom recalls a story about my brother trying to drown me before in the pool we used to have at the old house, which had to be before I was 8. She came out and same thing...I was passed out from him holding me underwater. Who knows what I did to deserve that. It was a daily occurence to get hit, kicked, punched and you know as a child you don't understand. He'd convince me to not even tell mom because then he'd be grounded and I'd be bored with no one to play with. He'd also tell me how sorry he was he did it. I actually looked up to him.
One time he did something to me and he was holding my arms, so I used my teeth and I bite a HUGE chunk of his armpit out! Haha, that was awesome and thankfully I already had escaped his hand over my mouth and called for mom when I did that!!!
What really sucks, is you'd think that today he would have guilt for all the crap he put me through, but he claims he doesn't even remember. I'm not sure I believe him or not, it's possible, he's done a lot of drugs, but I just keep my distance either way.
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